I was inspired to write this by the post on www.jjheller.com/blog
Dear Amanda,
Your mom just finished chemotherapy for her breast cancer and is now in remission! That's awesome, and it's good to be excited... just remember that she's still not completely well. Her body will take a while to recover from treatment, and if I'm being honest, she'll never be quite the same. You won't want to talk about it with any of your friends. This is okay... because through these next few years you and your mama will become the best of friends. When her hair slowly starts to grow back, you will constantly assure her she doesn't need to wear a scarf anymore. You will see her confidence grow, and it will make you want to be a better person. So be.
Your fairly large and close-knit group of friends will break up into smaller groups as you get to high school, and eventually will disappear from your life altogether. There will be rumors spread about your sexual orientation. Don't let them bother you too much, because you know the truth... and so does your future husband. The friends that abandon you during this time, obviously weren't very good friends anyway. Don't ever apologize for who you are, and don't change for people who would believe a lie about you. And please, quit hating your body. Buy the larger sized clothing... it looks more flattering on you anyway.
When you sit down and think of whether you'd like to stay in choir or not, DO! I'm not saying your singing ever really improves... because, it doesn't... but you will make some of the best friends you could ask for (that are still in your life 5 years after graduation!). One of those friends will introduce you to your future husband. Another one of these friends will die tragically in a car accident your senior year. She will teach you a lot, without even realizing it. You will carry a part of her with you for the rest of your life. Because of her, you become better at communicating with people. Because of her, you no longer hesitate to tell people you love them. Because of her, you realize just how beautiful and short life is.
Because of your knee injury, you can't play catcher your sophomore year. It sucks, but you make the varsity softball team anyway! And don't hate your knee brace so much... it's there to help you, and you only have to wear it for one year. It will seem like a really long time, but it will also instill your future in softball (you even play for a year in college.. and your daddy is so, so proud). Your junior year, you will be the starting catcher for the team. Enjoy it! And please, Amanda Raye, wear sunscreen. You will think that it's not such a big deal, especially during practices... but trust me, twenty-two year old you will really wish you had. When that spot on your head starts to change size and color, get it checked out... I'm not trying to scare you, but the risk of melanoma isn't something you should take lightly. You'll learn this the hard way, and I really wish you didn't have to... but you survive. The doctors catch the cancer pretty early, and you end up with a wicked cool scar on your forehead.
When you meet a boy named Ryan, he really IS as perfect for you as he seems. Don't let the thought of a long distance relationship scare you out of pursuing him. You will enjoy a great 3 months together before he moves to New Zealand. And I know it sounds crazy, but you will go visit him and his family when you graduate. The late night phone calls aren't ideal, but they're worth it. His soul is beautiful, and the relationship you two share in Christ will only grow stronger.
Last, but definitely not least... I want to remind you of a few things.
Don't lose your love for music or photography. One day you'll make a living doing both.
And just because people you love make bad decisions, doesn't mean they are bad people. You will struggle with forgiving those who have hurt you, but believe me... that load is far too heavy to bear. Forgive and distance yourself from people and things that bring you down.
Love God. Love people. And eventually you will learn to love yourself.
Hugs,
Your 23 year old self
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