my heart

I'm in love. Deeply, madly, butterflies in my stomach, I can't catch my breath, 16 years old kind of love.

Yes, I'm aware that Ryan and I started dating when we were 16... and geez, that was over 4 years ago... but I love him even more now than I did then.

When I hear a love song, I picture his face. When I imagine the future, I see us with children that are breathtaking and beautiful... because they look like him.

I love everything about him.

his laughter.

his smile.

his kind heart.

his gorgeous eyes.

the way he rolls those eyes when he thinks I'm being "a goof."

the way he knows what buttons to push in order to make me furious.

the way he knows that I'll only be mad at him for a moment.

the way my hands fit perfectly with his.

the way he tries to slip my hand into his pocket when we're walking and holding hands.

his sense of humor.

his optimism.

his constant encouragement.

the way he brings me back to reality in a split second.

the way he forces me to see the good in others.

the way his eyes light up when he gets excited about something.

the way he always wants me to choose where we're going or what we're doing... even though he knows that I hate making quick decisions.

his patience.

his love for life.

his acceptance.

the fact that he calls me by my last name... which will soon be his.

the way he admits when I'm right... sometimes. ;)

the way he makes me feel beautiful even when I know I look far from it.

the way he acts around children.

the fact that he wants children of his own.

the way he calls my mom "mom."

the fact that my dad calls him "cousin Ryan."

hearing him say "I love you" to his parents or grandparents on the phone.

the fact that he's willing to share his family with me.

the look on his face when he listens to a song for the first time.

the fact that I know he'll have that song memorized by the next time he hears it.

the fact that I have to tip-toe to kiss him.

the way he kisses me.

the way he brushes the hair out of my face.

the way he jokes around.

the fact that he's such a hard worker.

his motivation.

his care-free heart.

his love for animals.

the way animals love him.

how much he's grown up in the past 4 years, but can make me feel like we're 16 again.

the way he loves me.

the way we've only become closer over time.

the way I miss him when we haven't seen each other all day, even though we spent a year and a half apart.

the way I cry in chick flicks now because I know how it feels to have something so great and the thought of that being taken away is heartbreaking.

and most importantly, his love and faith in God and how I know that he will always keep Him in the middle of our relationship.

In 5 months I become a Marlar.

and

I. can't. wait.

:)

work!

So, work at Ram Radio is going pretty fantastic. I've been making playlists lately and logging music from CDs onto the computer. The only down side is that I'm all alone on the 3rd floor of the library. Summer 2 classes ended last week, so I've been having to unlock the door and turn on all the lights, and it's slightly creepy. I'm sure it will be better when classes start again though.

I'm ready for my boss to show me ropes so I can get my show up and running. I'm really excited about it. :)

I was attempting to go on air by myself last week, and I recorded a bit and listened, and my mic wasn't even on! hahaha! Oh well, I'll have to be patient for now.

Ryan's brother Casey has been in San Angelo visiting for the past couple of days. I think he's leaving on Monday. It's been nice to spend some time with him, and I'm glad he's gotten to see Ryan's new apartment.

Chocolate Fest was last night, and it was pretty awesome! It's the 3rd I've been to, I believe, and I think I've been to better. I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved tasting all the different chocolate, but I just think that last year there were some tastier things!

I'm dreading the start of school, but hey, at least it's one step closer to graduating. I'm really really really hoping to graduate a semester early. When this year gets under way, I plan on visiting my academic adviser and telling him my plans... because with his help, I know we can figure out the easiest way to achieve that goal.

My plans for this evening consist of spending some time with an old softball buddy whom I can Bob (I don't even really know why I call her that... haha) and then Ryan and I are going to make some Mac N Cheese for him to take to a pot luck at his work tomorrow.

I know my thoughts are scrambled, but I type them as I think of them. :)

That's all for now....

oh me oh my

Life has gradually been speeding up and my days are filling with more things to do now that Ryan is back in town. I've recently realized that school is like 3 weeks away... which makes my stomach hurt. I seriously hate the idea of class and homework and everything that comes with it. The only good thing about this year is that I'm working on campus, so it will save me gas money.

Speaking of money, I have received a lot of scholarship and grant money for this coming school year, so needless to say, I'm pretty stoked about that. Dad and I will only have to worry about $1400 per semester, rather than over $2000. I think every pay check, I'll put between 100 and 200 in my bank account and the rest can go to my school bill.

I'm also trying to save money for my wedding next summer. I feel pretty silly about it, and I'm honestly trying to not go too crazy planning it before I'm even engaged, but it's all so exciting.

This is Ryan's first week of work, and I think he's really going to enjoy working at Sitel, which is great news. I just hope that he can keep up with his school work while working 40 hours a week. Yipes! I know I wouldn't be able to do it... so more power to him. :)

Ryan has the weekends off, so we're going with the Christian Campus Center to Junction this weekend to float down the Llano River! I'm excited! I get to wear my new swim suit and work on my tan! :D

I'm worried about sunburns though, so I'll wear tons of sun screen... no worries!

I'm baaaaaaack, for now at least :)

Well, God is good (duhhhhh!). I ended up getting a last minute scholarship of 500 dollars, so I only had to pay around 200. My dad was also generous enough to give me some money (without my asking) at the last minute before my trip to New Zealand.

The trip was wonderful. There were a few moments when I was sick and tired of the people there, but my close friends in the group made me realize that I could enjoy my vacation and the people I wasn't getting along with could enjoy theirs. It honestly didn't bother me the least to ignore them... and I think it made my time in New Zealand that much more enjoyable. :)

I kept a small blog-like thing on facebook, but I don't feel like copying and pasting, so I'll just put some pictures on here. :)

I'm really really glad that I went on this trip. It was something that I needed to do for myself. I was determined to go, and I found a way to raise the money and get there. I'm so grateful that my parents saw that and helped me at the last minute for some spending money.

Now that I am back in the states, I am working for Ram Radio at ASU, and I'm loving it! I'm getting around 20 hours a week, and my duties (for now at least) consist of ripping CDs onto a computer and organizing the songs and their information. Tomorrow I will start making playlists that will air in the next few days. I'm really enjoying it! The hours go by quickly, which is nice.

Another exciting thing is that Ryan is coming back to San Angelo from Dallas this weekend! He's found an apartment at Sedona Ranch, and they're really nice from what I hear. He moves in on Saturday. I'm looking forward to spending this time with him, and then he'll start his job at Sitel on Monday.

I feel like we're both moving to the next step in our lives, and it just makes me want to be married that much more.

:)

money money money

I hate that everything in this world revolves around money. I was so excited to be getting a refund on my study abroad trip, that I've been spending accordingly. I was set. Stress free. Didn't need to worry about money...

Well, I should have known... if there was any luck that ran through my family, it was the bad kind.

Turns out, once I got my international scholarship, they took away 1000 dollars of my grant money.

Therefore, instead of getting the 700 dollar refund, or even a 200 dollar one for that matter...

I owe around 700 dollars for tuition before I leave for New Zealand.

Well, we're supposed to have around 1000 dollars for spending money so we can eat for the month... and if I pay that 700, I'll have around 300 to live off of for the month. Great.

So, now, I'm having to take out my first loan of my college career... and hopefully my last.

I mean, I know Ryan already has loans out, and since we're planning on getting married, I will be in debt regardless, but my parents and I have been working really hard to where I didn't have to take one out.

Oh well, I know it will be worth it to spend the month in New Zealand.

I've been trying to hold off on the excitement until I'm done with finals... then it will be time to pack!

I am soooooo incredibly ready to get away from my family, this town, state, and country, though. It's going to be amazing!

I'm really looking forward to getting to know some of the girls in my group better.... we seem to have a lot in common. It should be a lot of fun. :)

Anywho... I better get as many hours in at work as I can before I leave.

I was planning on just doing 4 hours a day, but looks like I might have to get 6.

I leave June 4th... so that will put me at 2 full weeks of just work and no school before I go.

Too bad I won't have a job to come back to...

quick update

I've got 15 minutes before I go to school... so I figured I'd write a bit.

I'm not sure if anything too significant has happened since my last post... but my study abroad trip to New Zealand is growing closer and closer, as I am gaining more excitement!

Last weekend me and a few other girls that will be on my trip went and volunteered at the Soup Kitchen. It was some pretty hard work to serve that many people, but the sense of accomplishment that came from it was rewarding. I'm glad I get along so well with these girls, and I really really really hope that we'll be roommates. Even if we're not though, heaven knows we'll be spending enough time together.

As of right now, Ryan is still in between jobs. His ankle was healing, then we had the dumb idea for him to play softball with the Christian Campus Center, and that made it swell up all over again. I think this next week he'll start applying. I'm really hoping he can get get a job at Lowes with Clayton Boling. I think it would be nice for him to know someone, and Clayton says the pay is really good. Whatever it takes for him to get an apartment this summer. Then we can start making plans for our future together. :)

Classes are going well. I had a history test last week, and I'm hoping for a high B, but I definitely wouldn't turn down an A. I think I'll probably end up with another B in the course, but that's fine by me. I've got A's in everything else, so I should be okay.

I registered for my fall classes this weekend, and it's looking like I'm going to have a full load. 16 hours with 2 different labs. I'm sure I'll be okay though.

I umpired my first game of the season last night. It was supposed to start at 8, but there was a game delay of an hour, so we didn't even start until 9 o'clock, and we were supposed to have 10 and under teams, but ended up calling a 12 and under game. I'm just glad nothing controversial happened with any calls, because I probably wasn't as brushed up on the rules as I should have been. It went well though, and that's 25 bucks in my pocket. :)

Well, I supposed I should try to update this thing more often... though, I'm not so sure anyone reads it anyhow.

Signing off for now....

<3

study abroad

I have been accepted into the study abroad program! It will be during the first summer session, which will last from June 3 – July 4, 2010.

It's hard for me to be excited right now because with my acceptance letter, I got a note saying that they need 500 dollars by December 1st. There wasn't really much notice, and I don't have the money right now. I'm determined to go though, so I'm getting an extention on my deadline, I'm having a garage sale, clearing out my savings account, and getting an advance on my next paycheck. God has a wonderful way of working things like this out. I've just got to stay faithful. I was tempted to skip my tithe this paycheck and play catch up on the next, but after talking with my mom, we decided that I need not upset God since He's the one opening all these doors. So, I tithed and I gave to missions. And now I'm watching Him work. I have had 3 different families ask me to take portraits for them, and they are all willing to pay me. I think that is a wonderful way to make some extra money. I'm amazed. and I'm in love with my Creator and Caretaker.

More details will come after I get this payment out of the way.